artybollocks generator

Do you hate having to write your own artist statement?

Generate your own artist statement for free, and if you don't like it, generate another one. Feel free to use the statements with funding applications, exhibitions, curriculum vitae, websites, ...

Or why not wear it on a T-shirt? The Twitter bollocks will fit nicely.

Artist Statement

My work explores the relationship between the tyranny of ageing and emotional memories.

With influences as diverse as Kierkegaard and Frida Kahlo, new tensions are manufactured from both traditional and modern layers.

Ever since I was a student I have been fascinated by the endless oscillation of relationships. What starts out as triumph soon becomes manipulated into a tragedy of temptation, leaving only a sense of decadence and the possibility of a new order.

As momentary forms become distorted through diligent and repetitive practice, the viewer is left with an impression of the corners of our culture.

artybollocks for Twitter

Short enough to tweet, but also suitable for your Twitter bio. Or if you need a slogan, strapline, succinct mission statement, elevator pitch or anything else where it needs to be short and sweet, this should do the trick perfectly.

Concise Bollocks

With influences as diverse as Munch and Andy Warhol, new insights are distilled from both orderly and random meanings.

Arty Bollocks on a T-shirt

Fancy some bollocks on a T-shirt? All you have to do is generate some concise bollocks you like (artybollocks for Twitter), click the T-shirt button underneath the statement you want and it will take you to the Zazzle website to finish the order.

T-shirts* will look like the one shown here, but with bollocks of your choice.

* Various sizes and T-shirt models are availalble, not just the one shown here.

The inaccuracies of our existence shirt

Artist Certificate

If you're an artist and you sometimes feel like you are missing out by not having a certificate on the wall stating that you are a certified artist, then here is your answer. At the click of a button (and some help of a printer) you can now have your own personal Artist Certificate approved by the Artistic Practice Licensing Authority.

In order to be licensed, you must agree to:

  • At least occassionally produce works of art*.
  • Study learned treatises on 'real artists', their qualities, achievements, practices and heroic struggles, for the purpose of understanding how hopelessly short of their standards you fall.
  • Constantly question, to yourself and others, whether you and your work are good enough to ever be a proper artist.
  • Mutter under your breath at least daily that someone will expose you soon.
  • Cultivate brow-furrowing, chin-rubbing and other anxious mannerisms appropriate for artistic practice.

*Under exceptional circumstances the authority may accept 'talking about producing it a lot' or 'going to start it next week' as substitutes for this condition.

Artistic Practice Licensing Authority

"Because artists need to be certified"

This is to Certify that

having satisfied the most stringent requirements laid down by this authority is therefore a real, genuine, proper and licenced


Artistic Practice Licensing Authority

signed Sir Henry Furt (Chair)

Please keep this certificate in a safe place. Nobody else will ever ask to see it but you may feel better if you behave as if it is important.

Leave a comment

Appreciation for the artybollocks generator

A tiny selection of all the tweets showing appreciation for the artybollocks generator. Thank you to everyone who tweeted and has helped spread the bollocks.